i have always felt it was a poor decision to keep a "digital diary". even an offline one simply stored on your desktop. pouring your heart in such a vulnerable place; i would compare it to watching a bleeding, crippled animal surrounded by predators. at this point however I understand some of the appeal. people need to be seen, it's in our nature, and sometimes 'attention-seeking' is the only way. some unfortunate people are born without desirable traits, or the chance of having them is ripped away. for me, i want to leave a stain that showed i was someone. not just a part of a larger number that gets reset at the end of every december. there is nothing special about me. i'm not particularly charismatic or pretty or smart or productive. if I died no one outside of my house would know. this suicidal feeling isn't new. I've been strong for a very long time, but as my teen years are coming to an end i've recognized that sitting around and waiting will only bring more pain until I die. that sounds very emo but i'm not expecting to live long anyway regardless of what I do. i still have business to finish up i just had to say something to you.

02/26/2026